They say the hardest part of parenting is having to hold back from interfering in your child’s life, even though you know the learning experience will cause them pain and suffering.

Harder still is watching them fail at the same stuff you were never good at either.

Hardest yet? Knowing that until you get a handle on these same problems, you will likely cause more good than harm since watching you is only going to reinforce their bad behaviors.

The recent revelation that the son who we had long believed had an NLD actually is dealing with ADHD should have come as no surprise to me.

You would think the guy who was pulled out of day school for two years and enrolled in a “special school” for third and fourth grade would have recognized immediately why his son cannot get himself together more than two consecutive days.

You would think that our shared (in)abilities like rattling off fifty quick-witted comments in thirty seconds or less, rapidly deteriorating interest levels and impatient need for quick results might have been a dead giveaway.

But that’s just it, isn’t it?

It takes unbelievable patience, wisdom, understanding; and above all else, humility, to accept that this is truly, your kid.

Parents of high performing children experience the thrill of vicarious achievement watching their boy hurl that fifty-yard touchdown pass or their girl execute a flawless landing off the parallel beams.

Parents of poor performing children experience the agony of reliving their own failures and muffed opportunities, sometimes dovetailing perfectly with nearly identical current situations (which only creates more anxiety and anger).

While clearly painful, there is a silver lining here.

Whereas one group has “arrived” and reaps the benefits of grandparenthood while raising their own children, the other has been handed a rare “second chance”  to go back in time and heal age-old wounds and hurt.

We all have trouble seeing our own deficiencies. Standing on the sidelines and watching your “mini-me” go through the same motions should inspire compassion and understanding, not anger and resentment. What sense is there in being angry at yourself now that you see this is clearly something innate and rooted in genetics?

The process is as much educating the inner child as it is the one standing before you. Figure out what you need to succeed, be it insight, patience, support , love, and go ahead and share that with the child who brought about this awareness; let one gift change two lives.

LJ

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